Vaginas. Half of the world’s population has them, so why are they so taboo? Yes we understand their purpose; sex education seems to solely focus on the fact that penis-in-vagina sex gets you pregnant, and that if you don’t use a condom you’ll get chlamydia and die. But surely they’re worth more than being looked down upon as just the driveway to the baby incubator? When I was trying to understand my own vagina and what she is capable of, the only places to turn were the pages of Cosmo and the NHS website, one of which only being handy if you want to know how to give a grapefruit blowjob whilst hanging upside down (which I didn’t) and the other only being useful if you had contracted a weird disease unheard of by majority of the population. Talking to my mum felt too weird and I was never confident enough to approach these things with my friends, so I plodded on hoping that my vagina was normal and pretending I didn’t masturbate. Which sucked. So here I am, a girl who loves her vagina, here to help you avoid those awkward google searches and understand that yes, your vagina is normal, and no, there are no stupid questions when it comes to your body.
Thrush and UTI’s are so common but rarely talked about until you go crying to your mum because you can’t wee without crying or can’t walk without feeling like you have a bunch of poison ivy stuffed down your knickers. Neither of these things are nice to experience, but they don’t mean you’re dirty or damaged or gross, they just mean you need a quick trip to the pharmacy. Plus, I’ve found that if you go through bouts of experiencing these conditions repeatedly, it’s helpful to note in your diary when it happens in case some kind of pattern arises because then it may be easier to prevent. And as far as preventative advice goes; always change out of sweaty gym clothes as soon as you can. Trust me.
Feminine hygiene products are a myth perpetrated by the patriarchy that exists solely to make women feel bad about themselves. The vagina is lined with a mucous membrane and a mix of bacteria known as ‘vaginal flora’ that work together to keep bacteria out of your vagina. The vagina is also self-cleaning, allowing itself to take care of keeping those nasty infections out so we have one less thing to worry about. You really don’t need to buy into Femfresh – it only exists to make us feel dirty when, really, they can affect the pH levels of the vagina and lead to irritation. Your vagina already has everything under control, help her do her thing by using unperfumed soaps around the vulva, not inside the vagina.
There once was a time where I’d be playing ‘never have I ever’ at a party, and some smart-arse boy would always shout ‘NEVER HAVE I EVER MASTURBATED HAHA’ to which obviously none of us would drink. But, spoiler alert, we had all done it; every single one of us girls had done it – flicked the bean, polished the pearl whatever you want to call it, we had done it – but were too afraid to admit it. This taboo is especially weird considering teenage boys talk about wanking a LOT. Too much, even. But girls? Girls are made to feel like sex-addicted freaks every time they want to put their hand down their pants, and it shouldn’t be that way. Not only does masturbation release endorphins (aka it makes you happy), it is fun to love yourself so intimately and understand what your body likes and dislikes. Plus, it’s good to learn how you orgasm before jumping in bed with anyone else because, honestly, does anyone actually know what the clitoris is?
Think of the wardrobe in The Chronicles of Narnia; it leads to a magical world of snow queens, talking animals, dragons and centaurs. Much like that wardrobe door, clitoral stimulation can lead you to a magical land, one so wonderful and perfect and euphoric that you won’t ever want to leave; the land of the orgasm. So why is it that most people (ahem, boys) believe that being pumped dry for three minutes is going to get you anywhere near experiencing the magic Narnia has to offer? Engaging in this kind of sex is the equivalent of knowing that Narnia exists in the wardrobe but opting instead to walk straight out of Professor Kirke’s house right into the middle of world war 2. It’s just wrong. Plus, there’s no use in allowing someone to dither around the wardrobe door for three minutes before engaging in regular penis-in-vagina sex because not many women can orgasm that way, no matter how many times Cosmo tries to tell you that your G-spot is super easy to find and stimulate. Can we all agree to not feel weird about making our orgasm as important as that of the man? Simultaneously we can garner pleasure and euphoria whilst wiping out the need to ever fake an O. Sounds like a win-win to me.
We are women, not waterfalls. Despite what porn makes us believe, very few women are able to ‘squirt’, and that does not make you broken, it just means you can have an orgasm and not have to clean up afterwards, which is super cool. Simultaneously, there is nothing wrong with being too dry and needing a little extra help - hello, lube exists for a reason! Lube isn’t only there for ensuring you can have comfortable anal or for weird tingly feelings whilst you’re tied to the bedpost, it can just be used to help you engage in sex if you need that extra lubrication. Needing a little help doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or you are unattracted to the person you’re with, it’s natural and happens to all of us because vaginas are sensitive and sometimes do their own thing, and instead of scalding them for this, we should understand how we can work together to get the best sex possible.
‘Is this meant to hurt?’ is something a lot of girls will ask themselves when engaging in sex, or using tampons, but is something we are all terrified of asking others. Sex for the first time may hurt some people, and others will be fine. Likewise, your first experience with a tampon may have been easy or absolutely traumatic. The one thing I have learnt from researching this article is this; we have all had concerns about our vagina at some point in our lives but have been too afraid to ask about it, only to learn years later that what we have experienced is normal and you were worried for nothing. It’s why I have felt so compelled to write about this topic – we all ignore our concerns for fears of being too open or too sexualised or weird, when in reality we should talk about these issues, spread an understanding of what our bodies are capable of and learn to love every inch of our bodies; pubic hair and labia included.
Illustration by Anna Mackey.
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