Being a gossip has always been an integral part of my character. That’s not to say that I’m mean or that I enjoy other people’s misfortune, I simply love stories, and gossiping is mere storytelling. I could gossip about anyone: people I know, people I don’t know, those celebrities that I think I know but I don’t. Often, gossiping about celebrities is the most fun because their existence is so farfetched from reality that absolutely anything about their lives is fascinating. I’m aware that I’m not the only person who feels this way, after all, people still buy Heat magazine.
Gossip relies on two things: people have to be able to do things, and people have to be able to gather together to talk about those things. The latter can be achieved via group chat or FaceTime, but the pandemic has meant that our lives have been lacking in any serious gossip because we can’t do anything gossip-worthy.
In lieu of not having any of my own gossip to talk about, I have become a fountain of celebrity gossip knowledge. Not that I wasn’t pretty obsessed with the lives of the rich and famous before, but now I am actively seeking stories about them. I knew enough about the Kimye divorce situation to be able to educate my confused friends with a mini timeline of events, complete with TikToks and Instagram captions as references. I was talking about Kim as if we were old friends – “you know, she just really wants to be taken seriously right now” – and discussing the NDA’s signed by LA strippers to keep a certain rapper’s visit secret as if I was the one who had written the legal document in question.
There have been countless articles written during the last year about how we no longer need celebrities, how they have proven time and time again that they are simply out of touch and unrelatable. This is often gossip-worthy in itself – news of ex-TOWIE stars being called out for flouting UK lockdown restrictions does constitute celebrity gossip insofar as it is a celebrity doing something that people are talking about – but it is careless and reminds us of the upsetting situation at hand. I don’t want celebrity gossip related to the pandemic; I want gossip that transcends the pandemic.
This craving for celebrity gossip has been fuelled by the myriad Instagram accounts that are dedicated to posting just that. They post everything from the shocking to the shockingly mundane – stories of new relationships and music release dates often appear next to details of what people order for dinner and where they have last been spotted (sightings of Timothée Chalamet cycling around New York are always popular) – and each piece of gossip is as exhilarating as the next, no matter the content. Whilst celebrities often live crazy lives, it is the mundane stories sent to these accounts that often garner the most attention. Someone sent in Chris Evans’s sandwich order (a ham sandwich, orange juice and salt and vinegar crisps), whilst someone else detailed that they were able to see into Taylor Swift’s Cornelia Street apartment because of their window location (they noted that they didn’t see
anything criminal, just that she likes to cook pasta and drink red wine with friends). There’s the shocking yet entirely believable news that Leonardo DiCaprio wears headphones whilst he has sex, and the even funnier rumour that the only thing off-limits at his model-filled pool parties is doing the titanic pose in the pool. Fascinating stuff.
The fact that celebrities are the only ones bold enough to live any kind of life that is reminiscent of The Time Before is exactly why we need them. They are the only ones able to provide us with the light-hearted gossip that we crave. We can’t go on first dates or meet people in real life, so it’s clear why so many people want to talk about Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde. The same explanation can be used for our collective excitement about Kimye – not being able to visit other people’s houses means it’s harder for people to cheat on their spouses. Kanye West is clearly exempt from that restriction, so gossip about their relationship is filling that void. Similarly, gossip about the mundane aspects of life is so exhilarating right now because the pandemic has rendered our lives even more mundane than before. Stories of Chris Evans ordering a sandwich will never be headline worthy, but it’s fun to ponder over his order simply because all my local sandwich shops are closed.
Our lives are significantly different to the lives we lived a year ago, yet celebrities have managed to salvage a sense of normalcy amongst the chaos. Whether you love them or hate them, celebrities will always find a way to do something gossip-worthy, and for that, I applaud them. I don’t know how I would have got through this year without them.
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