When they’re not promoting their debut novel In Their Shoes, writing their next piece for Gay Times or working on the gorgeous Youtube series based on their book with I Weigh (the platform created by Jameela Jamil) or, for that matter, doing any of the myriad things that we have come to know and love Jamie Windust for, you can find them working their way through the Glee soundtrack, deciding which song to learn on piano. “It’s really interesting for me to use my brain in a way that is just for me. To focus on something that’s not work or relationships or anything, you’re just doing this for your own enjoyment. It’s really nice”.
When we speak via Zoom, Jamie looks comfortable and bright in a colourful striped rollneck that almost exactly matches the picture of a rainbow that is hung on the wall behind them. “you will never not see me in a rollneck, my wardrobe is just all high neck. At the moment I’m really enjoying it actually, it’s very 70’s supply teacher”. Those who know Jamie, or at least know of Jamie, will know that this style is rather different from what we are used to seeing. That is, essentially, the aesthetic aspect of the journey they are currently on, which has led them to understanding that the value of what they have to say is not tied to their external appearance. “I’ve been able to sit more with my aesthetic and sit more with my fashion and make up and be like “what does this actually mean for me?” because when we’re all stuck inside, we’re really only doing things for ourselves, we’re not doing anything for other people. It was a real chance for me to think like, what do I actually want to try out? What do I want to explore? And I now feel that I’ve got to a position where I’m incredibly more comfortable than I was at the beginning of the year with fashion because it’s less what I think I should be doing and more of what I want to do, and how I feel comfortable”.
Figuring out what makes them genuinely happy has been an integral part to their 2020, which has meant re-evaluating their approach to the work they do and making sure they don’t say ‘yes’ to things they aren’t passionate about. “I think what I realised I was doing was I was burning out because I was working too much and not saying no, so that is why I had to set boundaries, because I can’t just say yes to everything”. The nature of Jamie’s work, too – being a public figure, a writer, and occupying a space that others would consider to be that of an activist – means that often, people’s expectations of them are higher than what they are willing to give. “I do feel pressured to feel like I have to give a lot of my space and my time and my brain to the world all of the time, especially with trans-specific issues. I think when you get to a certain point with a platform, there is an expectation that you should do that”, they said.
Setting boundaries has helped with the expectations of being a public figure and has allowed Jamie to feel more comfortable in their place in the media industry. It also helped when writing their debut book, In Their Shoes, to limit themselves on exactly what they were happy to share with the world. “I figured, if I don’t set a boundary here, I’m just going to emotionally burn out because people are going to squeeze me until they get what they want”, they said. “And now, I’m able to share stories about my life when I want to, and however much I want to, I don’t feel the pressure to share every part of my life because I don’t need to”.
There definitely is a pressure on people like Jamie to share every aspect of their life, or to at least focus on their transness in everything they say. After all, few trans people are in the public eye, and often the transness of the ones who are becomes their defining feature. This, however, is not how it should be. “You might say it’s ironic because I just released a book that is about that [their transness], however, on an individual basis, when you are the person that is being told you are a changemaker and you are an activist, it completely pigeonholes you into a space where you are then only ever expected to talk about those topics. I think with me, obviously, anything that I do is going to have a trans lens to it because I am trans, and that’s fine. But equally, I have other things that I enjoy that aren’t trans specific and I think we should be able to do those without, I guess being told off”.
This is why the series with I Weigh was so much fun for Jamie. The series shows Jamie interviewing a handful of guests such as Tom Allen and Ben Hurst and is full of quirky innuendos as well as serious conversation. The series shows exactly where Jamie wants the conversation regarding transness and identity to move. “The show had moments in it where I was able to convey serious chat and serious content and have an important conversation with people, but it was also fucking stupid and silly and boring. I wanted to be able to show that we all experience the mundane, we all experience the same kind of stupid shit in life”.
Right now, for Jamie, the mundane things in life include knitting a scarf (in rainbow colours, obviously), and waiting for their new cartilage piercing to fully heal. They are, of course, thinking about where their career can take them in the future – a second book, perhaps? – and what representation means to the trans community, but they are most focused on living a life that is not defined by being an activist. A couple of days after we speak, Jamie posted a picture on Instagram of themselves sat in a pale-yellow suit on a tall stool. Echoing the topics that we had discussed a few days prior, Jamie stated in the caption “I felt an immense pressure all of the time to show up and do this work, when in actual fact it was a detriment to not just my mental health, but the ways in which non binary and trans identities are represented in the world. As white, able bodied, slim, people. Of people who were assigned male and birth and androgynous”. Jamie is stepping aside, acknowledging their privilege, and telling us that we must do better, that we must broaden our idea of what non-binary and trans bodies can be. They, essentially, are showing that they know that not everyone has walked in their shoes. They continued, “thank you for always allowing me to be able to analyse, change, adapt and exist in a safe space here. It feels good to grow”. After spending an afternoon speaking to Jamie and watching their career blossom for the past couple of years, I know deep in my heart that they will excel at whatever they aim to do. It is an honour that we get to watch such a glorious being grow and exist within our world. I, for one, can’t wait for whatever Jamie decides to do next.
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